Today’s Quote: “Seek to be loved and you probably won’t be; seek to love on the other hand, and you probably will be. Look solely for happiness, and I doubt you will find it. Forget about happiness, seek wisdom and goodness, and probably happiness will find you.” -M. Scott Peck
Today’s Song: “Here in this moment”- Beckah Shae
I hope that yesterday’s message stirred up some excitement in you for your future, and for eventually having that awesome kind of relationship that God wants for you.
There is truly nothing like it, and I have chills of anticipation for you for all God wants to do!
I have to tell you that when I first got saved I did not have a clue about healthy relationships or what they looked like.
Nothing about basic courtesies, respect, or any of that kind of stuff. I just simply never had those things taught to me.
Maybe you’re in the same boat.
I thank God though that He is into the complete restoration of his children and that He did, in due time, begin to open my eyes and rearrange me in this area.
For me it all started during that time that I was going and sitting by the lake at God's feet and just allowing Him to heal me of all my deep relationship scars.
It was there that He began to press on my heart something that I didn't even know I needed.
Preparation to be a wife!
Nay, preparation to be a good wife.
At first the thought seemed crazy to me because the whole idea of being married was nowhere even near my foreseeable future.
I was still trying to get over my last relationship, let alone be thinking about a new one, let alone be thinking about marrying someone.
But nevertheless, it was where God was leading me, and as funny as the idea seemed, it somehow felt right. In tandem with me trying to become a fully healed and free woman, God wanted to also begin preparing me for one of the most important earthly roles I would ever fill....
It was actually kind of exciting.
God wanted to do something with me here!
To teach me and prepare me to be in a relationship, and this time, one that would be from Him.
I remember the very first revelation that He gave me about it because I wrote it in my journal at the time. This is what it reads:
What came to my mind this morning, in a very fresh and profound way, is that everything takes work. To be great or even good at something will always take more than just going with the flow- especially for me. I seem to be wired in the worst of ways, especially when it comes to relationships. What I believe God was laying on my heart is that I have to prepare myself to be in a relationship, before He will allow me to be in one. I know with the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes that I carry around- especially toward Derek- I am not ready. I need His help, God’s help that is. I need to start at the very basics, using what I have to work with, the people I live with, and allow God to teach me how to be a good wife and mother.
I thank Him for showing me this as I’ve been seeking Him out the past few days on where to begin, and where to direct my thoughts toward Derek. I’ve been antsy to move- change of scenery, change of environment I thought would bring about what I need. No. God gave me the red light. He wants to toughen me up and I know He’s going to make me do it the hard way by having to go against a lot of my feelings and do the work- do the hard things.
I go on talking about how I am going to start looking at everyone in my house as my future husband. (Haha!)
Like that no matter how much they irritate me, or how they treat me, I want to learn to draw my strength and love from God, for how I treat them.
I really did this! And then I wrote about how it went:
Encounter #1 with husband- failed miserably! Gossiped behind her back about how she acts around boys she likes. Asked nicely to bring stuff up to room- got irritated when she gave a snotty remark and threw stuff on stairs. Thought about it and walked stuff up to room….
And it goes on and on. Silly, I know. But this was the first step of preparation that God was calling me to!
And as I made that time to sit before him and learn, He began to reveal to me in a lot of different ways, the things that I needed to mature in.
Certain habits that I needed to break, and others that I needed to build.
Even some totally new concepts that I had never heard of!
And I’m telling you that within a matter of weeks I had a whole new outlook on guys, and the dichotomy of relationships.
I was on my way.
I learned that loving someone in a way that is wholesome and Godly, is an ever-growing progression, but that there are some little things that can take you a long way.
And as God was working on me in this way, something else amazing started to happen.
All of the sudden it became *exciting again*- the thought of being pursued and romanced by a man.
The thought of having that old-school kind of dignity and class about myself.
A new confidence in knowing that I knew how to speak to a man, encourage his heart, and how to be beautiful in this new way that God was calling me to be beautiful.
I was dreaming of love again the way that little girls do.
Only this time, I would be a woman- fully alive, ready and worthy of the pursuit.
I can’t wait to share my advice with you!
And over the next few days, I’m going to do just that.
Because, girlfriend, it’s so true how the old saying goes:
“Love is only half the battle.”
While that feeling of love is wonderful and amazing, it takes a lot more than that to sustain a healthy relationship.
Pay attention and you’ll see it everywhere.
Couples who are crazy about eachother, but end up fighting all the time simply because they don’t have a grip on simple, simple things like communication and respect.
LET’S GET SOME THINGS TOGETHER, GIRLS.
So that when the time does come for you to be pursued by a man again, you can be prepared to handle it well.
Able to truly enjoy all that God wants to bless you with.
Not carrying around old baggage or jaded notions about how things are. But prepared to make good choices. Godly choices.
are words that come to mind.
Not that we are expected to be perfect. I was so nervous about my transition out of “worldly relationships” because I felt as though I would never be “righteous enough” to have a Godly one.
I feared that I would be stuck on this abysmal fence between worldly and godly, only to remain single for the rest of my life.
But God proved me very wrong by giving me the greenlight while I clearly still had such a long way to go with Him.
But He did have to lay some groundwork, girls.
And I think that He wants to do the same for you.
So are you ready?
Over the next three days we are going to be looking at some of the things that make up a healthy relationship from our end. The girl stuff.
The next three days are going to go like this:
Day 27- ‘The Biggie’- The golden rule of Godly relationships. The most fundamental part of having a healthy, godly, and good relationship. Everything else rests on this one.
Day 28- ‘The Good Old Fashioned Advice You’re Not Getting’- This is the simple, basic relationship advice that we aren’t getting these days. It’s the stuff that’s been around for ages and might sound like the advice your Grandma would give to you. But it’s golden.
Day 29- ‘The Deeper Gems’- deeper, richer, relationship advice- the things that that help us to become that more mature, lustrous, and settled spirit sort of woman.
I am so excited for this stuff!
Would you just stop right now and say a quick prayer that God would really let the things that you need to hear jump out at you over the following few days.
You may not relate with everything and you may not agree with everything- but God’s got something you need to hear.
I’m not going to talk about dating, or getting to know eachother, or how a love story should unfold. Again, God has the best possible love story for you and I wouldn’t even dare to take a stab at what that will look like.
This stuff is just marriage advice. Invaluable lessons that I’ve learned about being a real woman inside of a marriage relationship.
And again, I do realize that you are, like I was, probably a long way away from being married. But that’s the beauty of it. You get to be ready for when that times comes!
Not because you’ve read my flimsy advice, but hopefully because you’ve allowed God the time and access to shape you.
To change the way you see things.
To grow you into a wise, capable and mature woman, who is ready for a blessed marriage.
Remember that if you’re ever going to be good at something, it is always going to take more than going with the flow.
Be that rare woman who is a great catch.
Today’s Dare: Maybe you already know what’s coming, and you’re right!
Today I dare you to do something similar to what I did as I was beginning to prepare myself to be in a healthy, loving relationship.
I want you to pick someone that you find it very difficult to love, who you also coincidently have to be around a lot. Maybe it’s a sibling, a parent, a roommate. Starting today, that person is your practice husband. Oh yes!
Practice being loving and kind even when they are ungrateful and irritating the snot out of you. Trust me, this is good stuff!
Journal about how it goes, and practice leaning in and drawing your strength from Jesus when it gets really difficult!