Today’s Quote: “In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength” ~ Isaiah 30:15
Today’s Song: “Long Gone”- Lady Antebellum
You cannot control what your ex will say or do- whether he will speak disrespectfully about you to other people, or start calling you with a bunch of nonsense.
What you can control, however, is how you respond.
Remember that your response is always your responsibility. If your ex puts pressure or heat on you, you have two choices:
- React in a Godly way, or
- React in a sinful way.
Hopefully he has totally respected you throughout this time. If so, consider yourself very blessed. However if he has not, you need to remember that just because you are done playing games, doesn’t necessarily mean that he is.
With that being said, I want to familiarize you with three of the “go to” games that guys tend to play in breakup situations.
The “Being a Jerk” Game
The point is basically that he acts like a jerk toward you, in order to draw you into an argument with him.
He knows that once you are back on emotional territory, he’s got you where he wants you.
Usually a guy will do this in one of two ways:
The first is by making an accusation, such as “you’re the whole reason that we broke up in the first place!” This forces you to get defensive and is pretty much guaranteed to start the emotional exchange he’s looking for.
The second method is to act like such a jerk that you are practically forced to confront him about it. And when you ask him what his problem is, he’ll say something like, “what the heck is your problem!?”
Boom, argument started.
Again, this is why it is so important that you keep your distance for a good period of time.
It is going to take a long time for you to step back emotionally and he knows this.
If you absolutely must speak to him, keep it short and direct, responding with something like this :
“I’m sorry that you feel that way. I’m done talking about this though. Again, I would appreciate it if you would not contact me so that I can get my perspective straight on everything. ”
He’ll probably accuse you of being cold, and he’s right, but it’s so necessary. Click! Sorry dude.
The “I’ve Changed” Game
This is just what it sounds like. Him trying to convince you that he has changed.
Some guys are very good at this, and no doubt, many are even very genuine.
This one is so tough because he may be saying everything that you want to hear and it may seem like the perfect opportunity to make up with him.
Also it's tempting to use this opportunity to let him know how badly he’s hurt you, and to get him to agree to some specific things that you want him to change.
I can’t even count how many times I went through this one with my ex.
But what I want you to remember is that as sincere as this guy may be, real change does not happen overnight, and it doesn’t show itself through words.
If you fall for this one, you will shortly end up right back at square one, asking yourself why you did this to yourself again.
The only way to ever truly know if this guy has changed is with a good solid chunk of time and distance.
If and when you do come back into contact, you will find one of two things. Either he has truly grown, or you have outgrown him.
The “Wilin Out” Game
This one is the more intense version of the “being a jerk game.”
Partying with the guys, going out all the time, messing around with other girls, this is where it really gets tough for us.
This is a hit below the belt, and he knows that it will get to you more than anything else.
At the same time, he is likely reveling in being single and trying to convince himself that he is a badass and doesn’t care about anything.
This can go on for a long time. It’s really so sad.
Even sadder is that a lot of girls demote themselves to this same level, trying to make him jealous in return.
Or we instinctively launch into doing whatever it takes to bring this behavior to a stop.
Please be mindful, not to do either of these things to any extent. YOU NEED TO STEP BACK.
If your guy turns to these sorts of things, you need to protect yourself even more from any interaction with him.
Just by having to hear about or see pictures of his careless behavior will be like a knife to your heart. It makes my whole body ache just remembering those feelings.
Time Out: I'm sorry but I just need to make a funny side-note: a lot of times, in our minds, this is what we're picturing #9 doing...
but in reality, it's probably more like this....
I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist.
I know either way it's still hurtful, but I just wanted to make you smile:) Time in!
I want to make it clear that guys don’t do these things because they are terrible people.
It is simply their fleshly, guy nature.
Just like we girls have certain games that we tend to play, these are just some of the games that guys tend to play.
If you are confronted with the like, remember that silence and distance are your most powerful weapons. And that your new fabulous priorities do not include changing him, but only changing yourself.
Again, I hope that your ex will skip the games altogether, but just know that they might not start for couple of weeks, or even maybe months. A guy’s low point usually comes much later than ours.
We are a wreck immediately following a fight or a breakup, while guys seem to go days, weeks, and sometimes even months before it really starts to hit them. Sometimes it doesn't at all, and that's okay too.
I just want you to be ready to handle these kinds of games, even if it is a while down the line.
I know it’s not easy, but hang in there.
You are on a much higher level now, so don’t fight a dumb fight. Just remember to keep the association healthy and God-centered on your end. That is doing your part, and God will honor you for it.
Today's Dare: Write the scripture from "Today's Quote" in your notebook, and meditate on it for a few minutes.
Now think about the reality of how STUPID all of the games that you and #9 have been playing are.
It's time to be better than all of that. Above it.
It's time to be better than all of that. Above it.
Spend a little bit of time journaling and mentally preparing for how to handle any games. Especially the ones that have gotten you caught up in the past.