Today’s Quote: “Your commitments can develop you or they can destroy you, but either way they will define you.”- Rick Warren
Today’s Song: “Strong Enough”- Matthew West
God’s word teaches us that love is an action.
Our feelings are usually a direct by product of our actions.
Think about the reason that you became so attached to #9.
It was your actions, and what you sacrificed of yourself that made you so connected to him.
You sacrificed your time,
pieces of your heart when you shared your deepest feelings, and possibly even your body.
All of these were investments that you made into your partner and your relationship, and your feelings followed accordingly.
The more that you invest in something, the more you become attached to it.
Therefore, the more you have sacrificed and invested yourself in #9, the more hurtful the separation will be and the emptier you will feel now that you are not together.
Undoubtedly you will think about him, which is an investment of your time and feelings. This type of investment is natural, inevitable and part of the healing process. But often times we even take it further by continuing to invest ourselves in ways that prevent our healing.
For example, after a break-up a woman will often invest her energy and her money in trying to look beautiful, put-together and at ease over the break-up so that her ex will realize what an idiot he is for letting her go.
The irony is that if she actually were at ease over the break-up, she wouldn’t care what he thought about her hair or her social life.
Or consider this...
How much of our spirit do we just voluntarily put at stake when we do things like check up on him on the internet?
Just looking for information that we know will be hurtful to us.
These types of investments are the worst and most damaging to us because they add a whole new element of lying, guilt and addiction.
Yes, these kinds of behaviors are literally addictive!
Yes, these kinds of behaviors are literally addictive!
One of my biggest struggles to stop investing in my ex was simply to stop checking his emails. And it was so much harder than I ever thought it would be.
But it was preventing me from letting him go.
Often times it is plain and simple jealousy that keeps us holding on, especially for those of you who have been sexually intimate with your guy. The thought of him so much as kissing another girl is enough to send you through a roof!
No, this does not make you a psycho. This is our God-given nature.
Remember that he designed us to be exclusive to one man only. And again, that’s why we suffer so greatly when we don’t do it His way.
This attachment is also why we will exhaust every possible resource in order to remain in control of the situation. We know that it is not what we should be doing, but we feel like we’ll never be happy without him.
A lot of you are so scared to let go because you think that he’s going to move on to someone else.
You’re even feeling a sting in your chest just having read that sentence!
Faith, girl, faith.
Not faith that God won’t let it happen, but faith that if He does let it happen, it’s because he has better things planned for you.
Would you trust Him?
Would you trust Him to take the situation and stop needing to know and see and control everything?
I’m pleading with you as someone who has been in that place and knows the ugliness and the pain of it,
and I’m telling you that it is possible to break free of all of that snooping and looking and obsessing.
We may not have a whole lot of control over our feelings, but we do have control over our actions. And our feelings will eventually follow whatever our actions are.
So please just make the decision today that you are going to be good to yourself, and stop checking up on him. Be drastic if you need to be. (i'm thinking like delete your account for some time, kind of drastic, not hire a hit man kind of drastic.)
Be drastic in your actions and be very drastic in your prayer time. And don’t think for one second that you not doing anything, means that nothing will happen. We’ll talk more about that tomorrow as I share with you some of my own testimony:) But today I just want you to remember the simple principal of investment:
There is a return for everything that you invest in.
If you invest yourself in unwholesome conduct, you will reap damage to your spirit. If you invest yourself in Godly pursuits, you will reap restoration.
If you continue to invest in this guy, you will continue to be attached to him. If you make yourself stop investing in him, although your feelings will cry out at first, they too will eventually become controlled, in accordance with your actions.
“..for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” ~ Galatians 6:7-9
Stop investing in #9! And start investing in things that are good and pure and right, and wait on what God will do!
Today's Dare:So you probably know what's coming right now.
It's time to stop investing in #9.
First, I want you to make a list of all of the ways that you are currently still investing in him; everything from checking his social media accounts, to checking his friends' accounts, to the occasional "I need you" phone call. Consider every investment that you are currently making in him and STOP IT.
I want you to keep a running tally in either the front or back of your notebook, like I have pictured below, to track your progress.
Secondly, choose something that you can invest yourself in today that will be good for you. For example, invest time in taking a walk or exercising for your health. Or donate some money to a cause that you’re hoping to become affiliated with. Or invest some time in strengthening a bond with someone in your family.
And Lastly, make a plan to regularly invest some time in God in order to help build up and restore your spirit!