Today’s Quote: “We all have compelling, God-given needs for love, acceptance, and purpose; and most of us will go to virtually any lengths to meet those needs. The trouble is that too often we neglect going to God to have our needs met. Instead many of us have become masters at ‘Playing the game’ to be successful and win the approval of others.” -Robert McGee
You are trying to let go of a guy that you've loved, and it sucks.
Maybe it’s even the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through emotionally.
Maybe it’s even the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through emotionally.
I had been so dependent on my boyfriend for my happiness that when we split, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I was an absolute wreck of emotions because he was always the one that I talked to about everything. He was my world!
Maybe you are experiencing the same thing.
Do you
remember back in the Introduction when I had said that your attachment to #9
probably has a lot more to do with him meeting a deep need inside of you, more than it does that he is the guy
you’ve meant to be with? Well today we are going to unpack that.
Now I
first have to tell you that I’m not trying to oversimplify your situation. I realize
that the depths of our dependency issues are so complex. They deal with
fathers, and losses, and insecurities, and I certainly do not have the
qualifications to address these with any kind of depth. But there are two
pretty big elements that can essentially explain why we feel a draw to, a need
for, or a dependency on this guy that we can’t quite understand.
1.We were created to be dependent on God.
We touched on this yesterday, about how God actually made us to be dependent on Him.
So we are dependent by nature. And if we are not depending on God, we will find something or someone (or a whole handful of somethings and someones) to put our stock in. For a lot of you, like me, that was your boyfriend.
2. God made sex for marriage for a reason!
So when we’re sleeping with a guy our desire is for him to come home to us every night,
and have eyes exclusively for us,
and treat us like the treasure that a wife is supposed to be to her husband.
And so we expect that.
Maybe not in the most conscientious, well-verbalized ways, but definitely somewhere in there.
Somewhere in us we are expecting godly-husband things, from our ungodly, immature boyfriends.
Um, no wonder we are disappointed.
This is not rocket science, girls! God made us a certain way and it fits with his will. So when we do it that way, it lines up with the healthy desires God has placed in our hearts. When we don’t, we suffer the pain of trying to fit into a mold that we were not built for!
And it sucks!
And it sucks!
It sucks expecting things out of your relationship that seem like they should be so basic like, love, honesty and loyalty,
only to catch a quick left jab to your head that you were not expecting.
Then we’ve got to put our own fists up and look out for ourselves, and try to anticipate his next move so we can duck!
I’m taking this a little far but you get the picture. We were after love, and a good relationship, but somehow we ended up in a boxing ring.
Sleeping with a guy that you’re not married to will pretty much always lead you into the boxing ring.
If you doubt that, just think about what all of your girlfriends have gone through. How did things change for them when they started sleeping with their #9? How did they change for you??
But I know that all of this talking and reasoning does absolutely nothing for the pain that is deep down inside of you over these things. Only God can reach down that deep and touch that kind of pain. And He wants to. He wants to bless and help you now, not once you are "good enough".
You and I will never be good enough. But we still need a lap to rest our heads in and cry and have our hair stroked.
A lot of us never had that. But I will tell you that I have never known such peace and love as being held by God during my weakness. Because He comforts the soul.
You are never so far off track that God won’t be there for you the instant that you call out for his help. You are his child. His baby girl. He wants for you to be dependent on Him. Unlike #9, He LIKES that!
Cling to Him with all you have, sweet girl. That is when you’ll really see what God can do. That is where you’ll start to never be the same!!
Today's Dare: Today is about trying to sort through some complicated emotions that maybe you've never been able to quite put your finger on.
Take out your journal.
First, I want you to think about #9, and just let your feelings for him come to the surface. Love, hate, confusion, whatever. Do some VENTING in that journal.
Now I want you to think about that "deeper-than-you-understand" attachment that you have to him, and recall how he always hated it. Write about what it feels like to want and need someone so bad who doesn't want you to want and need them.
Now think about all the ways that the world has tried to tell you that you just need to be stronger and more independent. Write these words:
Pushed from every direction into isolation and independence.
Now Lastly, I want you to just let all of those expectations fall to the ground and write a gut-wrenchingly-honest letter to God. Write about how it feels to have your heart and your most precious parts rejected. Tell him what you need and what you long for, and DO NOT care for once if you sound babyish and needy. In fact, embrace that part of yourself for once. You are His baby, and He delights in fulfilling your needs.
He's the perfect man you've been looking for.
Watch this video!
(and change that nasty bandaid if you haven't yet;)
