Today’s Quote: “People who are separated from God cannot be the person they were designed to be, only the person they were trained to be.”- John Muratori
Today is
an important day. It is important because we are going to be talking about
something that I believe is SO
central, SO at the core of our
struggles with #9.
It ties
into yesterday’s discussion about ‘comparing and competing’, but I believe that
it shoots an arrow right to the heart of it.
On Day 15
we touched on how many of us (guys and
girls) do not have healthy, positive role-models, so we are learning much about
our roles from culture and media.
Young men
are no longer encouraged to be honest, loyal, and chivalrous. To fight for a
woman’s heart, and in the meantime, build those important muscles of
self-control. Instead, the general message seems to be “if it feels good, do
it”, and the outcome seems to be that our culture is breeding guys who are
flippant, perverted, sarcastic, and underdeveloped. (yay)
Uncommon is the young man
of honor who is willing to swim against the tide and step up to the authority
and responsibility of manhood. A good man is so rare.
But what
about us, ladies? What role do we play in this? What kind of woman does our culture seem to be
pumping out in droves?
And most importantly, how did these trademarks likely
land us in the situation we’re in? Let’s go there.
Seductive
Seduction
is so normal nowadays it’s scary. Just look at the pictures we post! It seems
like we are taught how to be sexy and flirtatious long before most of us can
even remember. It’s true that seduction is power, but it’s power on a very superficial
level. It’s the force that controls shallow and underdeveloped men. But for
some reason it just gives us a rise to have guys staring at and wanting us.
But we pay
the price for it. Trust me. It’s the kind of thing that if you live by it,
you’ll die by it. I know because I did it for years. And it turns out that
there will always be someone younger, prettier, sexier, more fun to be around, or
whatever it is you’re trying to seduce with. And the fall is always hard. And
there’s always a fall. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”-Prov 31:30
Overly- Independent
And I’m not talking about the good,
strong-woman kind. I’m talking about how most of us don’t have a solid,
support-system of people who love us and are actively looking out for our best interest. So we are forced to
look out for ourselves in a lot of ways.
The irony is that an overly-independent
girl can quickly turn into an overly-dependent
girl once someone starts to show genuine care and interest in her (i.e. #9). At
least I know this was the case for me.
Confused
Confused because, what the hell is
going on? Things did not play out
like we thought they would. People are not
reliable like they are suppose to be, and nothing is turning out like it
should.
And as we grow older and begin to
experience more ups and downs, we find that a lot of times the feelings that
are flowing through our veins don’t “fit” with the ways we are being told we’re
suppose to be. And so we feel like we
don’t fit.
Timeout:
This “not-fitting” can mean something totally different to each of us. I am
going to keep talking about relationships here, but if this is hitting a nerve
with you in other ways, please take time to look at this resource list. And if you
can’t find what you’re looking for here, please keep crying out to God and ask
him to bring people into your life that you can relate with!
Here’s one
small example of how this might play out in our relationship:
Gosh, I
hope I am not the first person to tell you that YOU ARE NOT WRONG for wanting
your man to be exclusively with you. To desire, and to love, and to put longing
eyes on you only.
That may be a joke these days, but I promise you, that is not
some glitch in you. It’s how God made you.
I know
that pressures are high and people are cruel and one wrong move can send you
over that line from cool girl to psycho girl. But oh am I ever so glad that
Jesus doesn’t operate like the world does. He is never looking to point fingers
at us, or blow our cover.
Instead
He sees our weakness, covers over us, and heals us in that area so that we’re
are whole and have nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you Jesus. He gives us
wisdom from experience, but not at the expense of our dignity. And He teaches
us how to just live and be the way that we were created to live and be.
Listen to
me carefully here, because a lot of you need to hear this:
There are a lot of ways that culture is telling you that you SHOULDN’T be, so you are trying to change or numb those parts of yourself. But in reality, those are perfectly healthy parts of you as a woman. They just need some maturing. They just need a little Jesus to take and mold and use them toward the good.
The heart needs changing. Our motives need purifying.
“But
I, the Lord, search all hearts
And
examine secret motives.
I
give all people their due rewards,
according
to what their actions deserve.” -Jeremiah 17:10
If you’re
anything like me, you can probably admit that your motives have been foul, and
that a lot of what you do is a result of a very ungodly cultural pressure.
That’s okay. Remember, God is in the business of changing us as long as we’re
willing to come before Him honestly, with our hearts on our sleeve.
That’s
where real change starts!
Don’t shy
away from the areas where you know that your motives have been impure. Bring
them into the light so that you can be changed. Bring them to God’s feet in
prayer!
And in
the meantime, I will leave you with a little bit of advice. Three simple ways
that you can start to step away from being a one-of-the-millions type of girl, and more toward being the one-in-a-million kind of girl that God created
you to be.
1. Relearn how to be friends with guys.
A lot of girls don’t even know how to be friends with a guy without having that flirtatious seductive element to it.
That is so sad!
Guy/girl friendships are so important and awesome when they exist inside of healthy boundaries.
So as you meet new guys, and hopefully more Christian guys, try treating them more like you would a brother or a cousin, and watch how much more great the relationships that develop are!
Don’t get discouraged if there is a
lack of solid Christian guys within your social circle or even your area.
Remember that there is a whole big wide world out there with a lot of guys in
it. One of them includes your future husband, and he is worth going against the
grain for.
2. Know the difference between pretty and sexy.
It’s okay to be pretty and to wear
cute clothes. We’re girls, we like being pretty! Just don’t get that mixed up
with your desire to be sexy. Sexy is for one man only, and you cheat that man
(and yourself) when you spread that all over the place. Don’t let your desire
for affection make you cross that line. What you’re holding out for is so much
better. (we’ll talk more about this soon).
And remember, there’s an ocean’s
distance between a pretty, confident girl who knows her value, and an insecure,
seductive girl who doesn’t. Many stand on one side of that ocean, and very few
on the other. And the difference is the motives. The heart. That is why the
most important things is that you….
3. Pay more attention to your inner beauty than your outer.
Don’t let the shallow things take precedence over the real.
The more we draw close to the Lord and cultivate our source of inner beauty, the more we will find a healthy balance all around.
Settling for trying to get guys to
lust after us, when really God wants to make us someone’s queen! A man who will
be fiercely devoted to you and will feel as though he is the luckiest man alive
to have a woman that is so beautiful, balanced, and healthy. A woman who
cultivates good from a pure heart, rather than underneath it all is a big old
mess.
Oh girls do we ever think that we
know what’s good and how to get it. But we are SO mistaken. God wants us to
experience things that are layers and layers deeper than we even knew possible.
Intimacy. True and unguarded intimacy, with the very man he made you for. The
one who will love you with a deeper kind of love than you knew possible. A
godly kind of love that grows stronger and deeper as the years go by and the
physical beauty starts to fade.<3<3<3
The kind of love that can only come
from it’s maker.
But
again, this stuff will only take a true root in your life through being close to God.
He has such an amazing transformation in store for you if
you will seek Him first!
“But on Your shoulders I can see.
I'm free to be me.” :):)
Today's Dare: Today is the last list of 5 you will be making.
I want you write down 5 things that have really stood out to you over these last few days that we've been talking about competition, image and getting free.
I want you to be thinking forward about ways that you are excited about changing and growing, and things that you're ready to leave behind.What's different about today's list, however, is that I want you to transcribe it or type it in a pretty format, and put it somewhere in your room.
Either in a frame on your nightstand, or in your sock drawer. Somewhere that you can see it often, and be reminded of your new resolve.
The things that you really want to start doing and becoming.
And don't forget to do your POFU time today! That's always the most important thing:)
