Today’s Quote: “She is running one hundred miles an hour, in the wrong direction”- Casting Crowns
(this video might be a little corny for some of you, but just go with it, okay:)--- you could use corny!)
Jessica and Justin are your typical college sophomores.
Both are navigating the waters of identity, career choices, and friendships, among other major life decisions.
One night they meet at a party and start talking. Justin thinks Jessica is hot, and Jessica thinks that he's the sweetest guy ever. He says the most perfect things. He’s cute and funny, but a total guy’s guy. She loves it. They start hanging out.
The more time they spend together the more fun they have.
They love just goofing around and doing anything together.
They talk on the phone or text until all hours of the night.
Justin makes Jessica feel so beautiful and treasured, like she’s the only girl in the world. He notices all of her adorable quirks and gushes over them.
Jessica has never felt so amazing. She’s never smiled so much, or felt more alive in her entire life. Things get more and more serious, and they are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
They love just goofing around and doing anything together.
They talk on the phone or text until all hours of the night.
Jessica has never felt so amazing. She’s never smiled so much, or felt more alive in her entire life. Things get more and more serious, and they are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
Fast forward a few months and they’ve now slept together.
They are more in love than ever and spend every free minute together.
They are more in love than ever and spend every free minute together.
Fast forward a few more months and Jessica is beginning to notice that Justin no longer pays her as much of the same adoring attention that he once did, and that he doesn’t do or say the same kind of sweet surprising things.
He’s just not as fired up about her as he once was.
She notices that he seems to want to spend more time with his friends. The Justin she knew would always chose a night with her over a night with his friends. What’s happening?
When she mentions this, he brushes it off by saying something like “you can come if you want.” Yea, just what every girl wants to hear.
He’s just not as fired up about her as he once was.
She notices that he seems to want to spend more time with his friends. The Justin she knew would always chose a night with her over a night with his friends. What’s happening?
When she mentions this, he brushes it off by saying something like “you can come if you want.” Yea, just what every girl wants to hear.
Fast forward a few more months and the intensity of everything has gone way up. Justin and Jessica fight regularly. She is sure that if he would just change a few of his stupid habits, or say goodbye to a few of his stupid friends, that they would find that magic again that they had when they were dating.
She needs more from him.
More dedication,
more attention,
more love.
She thought that they were supposed to be growing.
Isn’t a couple supposed to become more and more strong, more and more dedicated, and more and more willing to fight for their relationship? So why does Justin seem to be becoming less and less of these things?
More dedication,
more attention,
more love.
She thought that they were supposed to be growing.
Isn’t a couple supposed to become more and more strong, more and more dedicated, and more and more willing to fight for their relationship? So why does Justin seem to be becoming less and less of these things?
Jessica doesn’t know what to do. This guy is her world! And it seems like the harder she tries to hold onto him, the more he slips between her fingers.
For Justin, the relationship has just gotten way too serious and intense. He is sick of Jessica giving him a hard time about everything, and there is no way that he’s going to spend his “glory years” like this. After all, he’s young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. But he does hang in there because he still has feelings for Jessica and because, quite frankly, she is a readily available girl to sleep with. But Justin could easily walk away and for the most part, be okay.
Jessica can sense him losing interest, and she doesn’t know what to do. She tries to be stronger and not depend on him so much, because she knows that’s what he wants, but she can’t help but feel like the weight of her world is on their relationship.
Jessica can sense him losing interest, and she doesn’t know what to do. She tries to be stronger and not depend on him so much, because she knows that’s what he wants, but she can’t help but feel like the weight of her world is on their relationship.
I’m going to pause this story right here.
Jessica has found herself in the same predicament that so many girls have found themselves in throughout relationship history.
In a nutshell it is this:
Our
relationship started off so amazingly, and I thought it was only going to get
better and better, but now I just feel so out of control.
Now, depending on her background, influences, and character, Jessica will do one of two things here.
1. If she is the dedicated and deeply attached type, she will hold on and try to make the relationship work by any means necessary. She will ride out the deep hurts for the sake of the good times, and try to become exactly what she thinks he wants, even if it means acting like she doesn’t care for long periods of time. She may even use lies, sex, charm, manipulation and crisis to do this. Anything that she thinks will make the roots of their relationship grow deeper and make him love her more.
2. If she is the more stable and classy type, she will leave him. She will cry, eat ice cream, do the whole breakup thing, and eventually move on and start the whole cycle over with someone else.
What type of girl are you?
I was definitely a #1 kind of girl, as embarrassing as it is to admit. Nobody wants to be that girl. We all want to be better than that.
But there’s just something in some of us that drives us to treat and protect our relationship like it is the most important thing in the world. Like it’s worth fighting for with our whole lives.
I was definitely a #1 kind of girl, as embarrassing as it is to admit. Nobody wants to be that girl. We all want to be better than that.
But there’s just something in some of us that drives us to treat and protect our relationship like it is the most important thing in the world. Like it’s worth fighting for with our whole lives.
Ok, maybe you didn’t relate to that story at all, or with either type of girl I described. Fair enough.
So let’s just talk even more general for a moment, because there really does seem to be this common progression that relationships take on (at least from the girls end).
So let’s just talk even more general for a moment, because there really does seem to be this common progression that relationships take on (at least from the girls end).
3 stages that are so common and obvious that a ten year old could have figured them out by now.
Stage 1- Great, amazing! Love, love, love, LOVE him!!!
Stage 2- Little annoyances come in.
Stage 3- BIG annoyances. Lots of fighting. Lots of ups and downs.
Think about all of your friends with boyfriends and chances are that they are in one of these three stages.
Chances are if you’re reading this you’ve gone through all three of these stages.
Chances are if you’re reading this you’ve gone through all three of these stages.
What is up with this? Why is it such an obvious pattern for us, and why does the ending have to be so sucky?
It is because we were made to do it differently then we’re doing it.
And I hope that throughout this journey that will become more and more clear to you. That there is a common way to do relationships, the way that we see all around us, and then there is another way. A much better way.
So if deep down you are a girl who wants more. A girl who does not want to settle for what you see everyone around you settling for. If you still have a little fight left in you to find that place where you are loved the way that your heart knows it’s suppose to be loved, then hang in there.
If you’re willing, you will find it. I think that’s why you’re here.
“God makes everything beautiful in it’s time.” –Ecclesiastes 3:11
Pull out that journal and write about what it feels like to be that girl. Does it feel inescapable? Maybe a little bit like you can't even breathe at times?
Today’s Dare: Have you ever been or are you a "Jessica"?
Pull out that journal and write about what it feels like to be that girl. Does it feel inescapable? Maybe a little bit like you can't even breathe at times?
Now ask God to give you a glimpse of what it would be like to be different. A feeling of real peace and trust. Write about what it might feel like to actually be free from all of that!
Let yourself stay in that place for a few minutes, and smile because you're no longer alone.
Lastly, write this in some really pretty letters at the bottom of your entry- "God makes everything beautiful in it's time." And hold that in your heart.
