It’s 1am and Bethany is driving to
her boyfriend Joe’s college.
It’s an impromptu trip.
They
had gotten in a fight the night before and in the heat of the moment Bethany called things off. Joe easily conceded. Too easily.
In fact, he even
expressed agreement when she tried to hit him with the “maybe we should see
other people” karate-chop.
Something was off, and she was on her way
to sniff him out.
Was he eyeballing another girl?
Was he looking for a “weekend off”
to get wild with his friends?
Bethany didn’t have much of a plan,
but she had worn his favorite perfume, and was out to get things back under
control.
Hi. I’m Audry, and this pathetic
snippet comes straight out of my life.
I'm sorry for lying about my
name.
Growing up I had always wanted it to be Bethany. Audry just didn’t fit with the eccentric 90’s-flash I was aspiring to be. I figured this was my only chance. (And Joe? Um,
favorite New Kid, duh).
But back to my boyfriend drama...
Any sensible person could tell you that
there are about a dozen relationship “red-flags” in just this one short snippet:
- Distrust
- Overly-emotional
decision making
- Manipulation
- Need for
control
- Games
…just to name a few.
But for some reason, none of that
matters when you are in it with a
guy.
Are you in it with a guy?
Maybe for you he is a “friend with
benefits” who you have fallen head-over-heals for, and he just doesn’t want to
commit. Or maybe he is an ex-boyfriend who you just can’t seem to let go of. Or
maybe for you, like Betha-me, it is a current boyfriend who you just go up and
down with, through breakups and makeups, just trying to get things back to how
they use to be.
It is the guy who you just find
yourself with a draw to and a need for that nobody else quite understands.
Whoever that guy is for you, we are
going code name him #9. So whenever you see #9, just mentally insert your guys
name. Ok? Ok.
So, you and #9. Oh boy.
I know that there is so much that
is special between the two of you, and things about your relationship that only
you and him will ever understand, and blah blah blah blah blah.
No, but all joking aside, I really
do get it.
I get all of the thinking and wondering and obsessing that goes into
this guy. I get the desperation and heartache when it feels like your whole
world is falling apart and there’s nothing you can do about it. I also get the feeling of wanting to be someone
who does the right things, and makes healthy choices, but maybe feeling like
this whole relationship has just taken you so far away from that.
I get it.
And
as someone who was more up to my ears
in this stuff than any one of you reading this, I just need to tell you that
there is such hope for you. Such hope.
It doesn’t matter how far in the
wrong direction you’ve gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve compromised
everything you believe in. How much you feel like you’ll never be whole again.
There is hope for you.
Hope of better things that you ever thought
you were even capable of becoming.
You
cling to that, and I’ll help you
through the steps of making it a reality.
That’s what this journey is about.
The Hard Stuff
There are two things that I need to
be upfront about because they might be hard for some people to swallow.
The first is that I’m going to be
talking a lot about God.
Letting go of my #9 was really the
catalyst for my faith and relationship with God, and I truly believe that He is
the only reason for all of the wisdom, growth and change that came out of it.
So I’m going to talk a lot about prayer, drawing close to God, and things like
that.
Now that doesn’t mean that I expect
you to believe the same things I believe, or that this journey is not for you if
we don’t see eye to eye on these matters. No matter where you stand or what you
believe, you can still get so much out of this journey. Because really the
common thread that’s tying us together is
the pain of just knowing that we can’t keep doing things the same old way
anymore.
It’s not working!
Which brings me to the second matter
I need to be upfront about, which is that I’m really going to be encouraging
you to let go of this guy.
This is not about one-upping him,
or playing immature jealousy games. I’m talking about throwing in the towel on
those old, dragged-out fights, in order to fight a bigger, more important
fight.
The fight for yourself.
To learn to be happy and whole
again without that having to come from your relationship. To work at rebuilding
yourself in the ways that this relationship (and just life in general) has torn
you down. To find clarity, direction and purpose, so that you are THEN ready to
start a healthy, amazing
relationship with the guy you’re meant to be with.
Now maybe #9 is the guy you’re meant to be with.
If that is the case, it will
come full circle. It did for me (and you’ll get to hear more about my story soon).
But if we’re going to be with anybody,
let’s get it right so that it can be good and healthy and incredible, rather than a big ol' mess.
It’s time to let go.
The Journey
So that’s what this 40-day journey
is about. It’s a challenge to step out of something old and into something
completely new. To be “detoxed” from your old habits and beliefs about
relationships and self-image and restored into becoming that whole, unique and
beautiful woman that you were created to be,
and that you know it’s in you to
be!
Each day of this journey is going
to have:
a quote,
a song,
a message,
and a dare,
and occasionally there will be
a little time out blurb.
Time
Out: Nowhere in this journey am I actually going to dare you to break up with #9 if you are still together. Our
situations are each so unique, and the choice whether or not to end a
relationship is one that each of us must make for ourself. I do, however, have a
segment on the sidebar titled “Breaking Up The Classy Way”, if you are
looking for some pointers.
This journey will not be easy
because nothing worthwhile ever is.
Life’s not easy. Being a woman in life is
especially not easy. But you can do it, well.
You can. You have what it takes.
But you need to be willing to recognize a
turning point when it’s time for a turning point in your life.
I love the way Lisa Bevere puts it
in her book ‘Nurture’. She says:
“We have all lived long enough to see those
who began well and ended up really stupid. Who wants that?”
Not me and I know not you either.
So let’s be wiling to recognize it when it’s time for a turning point!
Girl, I am here to tackle this
things one day at a time with you. We’ll have a lot of laughs and a lot of
tears. We’ll talk about girl stuff, about being misunderstood, and about the
butthead things that guys do.
And we’ll really get down to the heart of this
thing so that you can get on to becoming the woman you were created to be.
“Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have
mixed. Leave your simply ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good
judgement.” – Proverbs 9:5-6